As I sit in my
home in Fort Collins, Colorado contemplating what to write to this lovely
community of students leaders, I am honored and humbled. Life truly comes full
circle and occasionally the times you need this advice the most, you’re asked
to dish it out. Thank you to Courtney for asking me to be a part of this
project, and thank you to you – anyone reading this (and extra kudos to anyone
who gets to the end)!
Let me start
off with a quick introduction. My name is Libby Sparks (known in the AU world
as Libby Lalande). I started at AU in 2009 and graduated in 2012 with a Spanish
and International Studies degree. In my three years at Anderson, I served in
student leadership twice. My sophomore year, I served as a Discipleship
Coordinator in Rice Hall (2AB!) and my junior/senior year as a part of ULC.
That year I also was a part of starting up and coordinating a short-lived but
much needed group on campus, with the help and supervision of Abby Knowles and
Lisa Pay, called the GAP. Beyond this and a few other leadership roles
here and there, I was a normal student. I attended CAB events, was an IM
captain, worked in Health Services and ate way too many cookies on a daily
basis in the MP. I look back at my AU years fondly and truly cherish every
relationship built and memory made. I thought I had myself all figured out but
today I want to share with you a few things I wish I knew in my time as a
student leader. I’ll call it Five Things I Wish I Knew as a Student
Leader (I know, creative).
As
a downright perfectionist, the first song I want to sing to you is one about
perfection. It’s overrated, it’s self-destructive, and it’s downright stupid.
No one is perfect and no one is expecting you to be. Titles and rules and roles
are a good excuse to have the highest standards and beat yourself up when you
can’t perform well. After all, people are watching. But let me stand here as a
survivor and say chill out. All those standards that you set for
yourself (but convince yourself are set for you) are fluid. In a
world without Jesus, they would be the end all be all, but we don’t live in
that world. We, especially you, live in a world and a community that values
grace above lots of other things. Cherish that. Live in that grace. The
swear word that slipped out in front of the freshman, the time you got a little
too caught up in your relationship, the time that you had to choose between a
friend in need or a floor event…give yourself grace. You’re not expected to
make every decision “right”. As a student leader, you’re not being asked to
pass every class with flying colors, attend every event, or be the most
creative planner that AU has ever seen. You’re being asked to be present and to
walk with others. Do you want to follow a perfect leader that makes you feel
like your best isn’t enough? Or do you want to follow someone who laughs at
themselves, grows in their mistakes, and invites you to encounter Jesus? Be a
part of breaking down that wall that gets built at so many Christian colleges –
life is not a competition and perfection is terribly overrated.
When
I was in your shoes, I told myself “Here is what you’re good at. Now go use it.”
Because of this, I graduated with a major that I thoroughly enjoyed but forgot
to see if there was something more fitting out there. I accepted roles in
churches and work and friendships that maybe could have been better given to
someone else. I forgot to take advantage of being in a place with endless
resources. In your time as a leader, if you find you aren’t enjoying something
as much as you thought, count it as a win. When you are offered options, try a
few out. If you put yourself in a box only to find that box smashed into a
million pieces – success! Don’t limit yourself to what you think you
are best at or think you can do. Stretch yourself and take daring
chances. It could turn out for the best.
I
know, this sounds a little like #2 and probably #1 but I’m going to take it a
different way, I was just breaking you in. Emotionally, spiritually, mentally –
it’s okay to break sometimes. Or all the time, if that’s your thing. Either
way, I highly suggest seeing a free (!!!) counselor in the wonderful
Counseling Services office. Work through some of that past hurt and baggage. I
did, but unfortunately I was so lost in being a perfectionist, I tried to be my
counselor’s very best client with no problems (I know, I was so far gone…). I
spent far too much time trying to convince myself that I really knew who I was
in college and as a student leader I forgot to feel. The moments that you
feel anger, pain, anxiety, stress, or “negative” emotions – allow yourself to
truly feel them. Don’t tell yourself that those aren’t something you do or have
as a student leader. Don’t ignore the invitations to go deeper into the
hardened and darkest parts of your soul because the truth is, you don’t have
it all together and you shouldn’t. Embrace all of who you are and the fact
that diving in to that hard stuff is a way to learn more about yourself and
give opportunities to God and those around you to pour out love. Have cry
sessions in your supervisor’s office, talk to your friends and peers about the
hurt in your life, and know that it’s completely acceptable to lead with a
limp.
Having
the above mentality can truly hurt you once the cap and gown have been worn and
put away in the closet. This one isn’t as much so advice as it is making you
aware. Never again will you live in a five minute walking distance to all of
your very best friends. And your mentor. And your professors. Never again
will you be in the same season as most of your peers. Never again will you have
the opportunity to participate in fun activities every weekend. One of the best
and worst things about college is the fact that everything is at your
fingertips and the fact that it is an environment that fosters growth and relationship.
Honestly, once you graduate, life won’t be easy for you or anyone that you
walked with (don’t let people try and tell you otherwise). The people, in my
experience, that it has been less of a difficult transition for are those who
have experienced hardship and who leaned into it. The ones who have started
dealing with their addictions, who have struggled to pay the rent, or have
experienced loss in some way. They don’t walk with ease into the “real world”
but they didn’t turn the blind eye to it in college. My advice for you beyond
these five things is this: find a mentor. Open up to your friends. Reach deep
down inside and wrestle with that doubt or that lingering thorn in your side. Question
the views of God that have been handed to you your whole Christian life.
Ask the hard questions. Find a church that really values you and your gifts and
forces you to think. And please, oh please, don’t run away.
If
you have heard nothing else I’ve said, or just think it’s a repetitious mess,
hear this: vulnerability is a gift and is one of the most necessary parts of
being a leader. Think of the relationships that mean the most to you – are
those just people with whom you find yourself laughing in the Haven or taking
midnight runs to Deluxe? Maybe, but most likely the laughing happens after a
long heart-to-heart and that Deluxe run included some tears or voiced
frustrations. Ladies and gentlemen, BE VULNERABLE; as students, as friends, as
leaders. Find your voice in those moments that make you want to run away. When
someone who cares asks you how you are doing, don’t say the cop out answer or
play the game of “fine” to see if they “really know you”. Be honest and be
open. Ladies and gentlemen, don’t put on the happy I’ve-got-this-leadership-thing-down
during your ULC or RA or CAB meetings. Use that community as a safe place to
talk about the struggles you’re having as a leader. Don’t compete and try to
one-up, life is way too short for that. If you’re feeling inadequate,
voice that. When you aren’t sure of the solution to a problem, ask! Please use
your opportunity to lead others as an opportunity to create safe places where
everyone feels valued. And the best way, in my opinion, to do that is by being
vulnerable yourself. This place of honesty and truthfulness about what’s truly
going on in your heart is the best place to start as a leader and the best
place to conquer fears. Vulnerability makes us present and throws all the
“shoulds” out the window. I could preach this all day long, but I’ll leave you
with one of our very favorite GAP leader sayings (thanks to Ms. Pay): Stop
should-ing on yourself. If you have questions on vulnerability, I suggest
watching Brene Brown’s TED talk or reading her phenomenal books about her
journey through research.
 |
| Libby with her husband Brad on their month-long trek around Europe this summer. |
So, here I leave you. I have no
authority or extra expertise that qualifies me to give you this advice. This is
just from one AU student leader to another. If anything stated here strikes a
chord with just one person, then I consider this a success. So go. Enjoy.
Explore. Search. Long. Wander. Laugh. Cry. Question. Dream. Open up. And
please, oh please, have a soft serve ice cream sundae for me at the
Marketplace, extra Oreos.
Should you want
to continue the conversation about anything expressed in this post, please look
me up. My e-mail elcsparks@gmail.com just loves getting new messages and I (like many others)
get giddy when that red “1” pops up on my Facebook inbox. Thank you for allowing
me to share, and thank you for getting (mostly) through my un-qualified advice.
I’m rooting for you all.
I’m rooting for you all.
With love,
Libby Sparks
Rice Hall DC,
2010-2011
ULC,
2011-2012
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